


Now that you're gone

by Felinis



Series: SoulMate AU [9]
Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felinis/pseuds/Felinis
Summary: Flynn is slowly getting through his grieving process and he heads off to Hypionia





	Now that you're gone

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna write easy angst on a whim... just write Flynn. Flynn was built for angst

 

Flynn was somewhat confused when Captain Shw- ah, Raven came by to see him as Flynn sipped on a glass of wine trying to unwind and get some brief semblance of order in all this post-Zaude chaos. “How ya doing?”

Flynn rubs his fingers against the grain of the table. “Good. Just… you know just trying to relax or something.”

He slipped in the chair next to him and poured himself a glass as well. “I heard you’re still asking for them to find his body.”

Oh- this shit again. “I don’t want to bury an empty casket again.”

There’s a long silence before Raven speaks once more.

“It does get better.” His face must curl or something of the sort because Raven pours him more wine. “Speakin’ from experience it’s hard but it gets easier.”

Well yeah, that’s how the grieving process works in general. Flynn gets that and you know he’d just like some peace so he could have time to just get out all his frustrations and feelings. That he’s never going to- fucking hell!

Flynn would just like for everything to be normal for ten minutes. A sigh slips out, “Did… when you died in the war did they- you know?”

“Uh, really wasn’t enough time… We both died kinda quickly so it’s not like we gotta a chance but I can tell ya that I know I felt miserable when I first woke up. Kinda empty and in pain while my body fixed itself.”

“Like you’re numb?”

A solemn nod, “Yeah.”

Flynn had been taking Grievances subtly too but he also knew he shouldn’t indulge more than needed but they made him feel far closer too normal than he’d been in what he knew was two weeks but felt like months. The silence returned and Flynn wondered what Raven wanted him to ask or what he even thought Flynn might want to ask but he couldn’t think of a single question he didn’t already know the answer to in some way.

So asked one that felt easier, “Um… this may sound dumb but would you help me with some paperwork?”

“Paperwork?”

“Yes. I don’t actually understand all of this… I’m not telling his highness that I’m not fully qualified but… I most certainly am. I mean, I’m not entirely sure what some of these forms are and I’m a little afraid to ask.”

A snort, “Eh, why not.”

Flynn’s grateful and he raised for a small toast as they take a long sip. It’ll be hard living without Yuri… Hard getting his emotions back in order. Just…

He leaves and decides he’s going to sleep and before he goes to Hypionia tomorrow. Something about rampaging monsters on a new town. Just some peace before more chaos and Flynn wondered what the hell they were going to do about that catastrophe hanging in the sky. Rita said she was working on it but he still wondered what they could work out in the first place. He sighed and was again met with another surprised of Estelle.

“Lady Estellise, why are you up?” It had to be pushing three in the morning.

“I couldn’t sleep.” She shrugged innocently and he noted the bit of red in her eyes. Silently they end up leaning against the wall holding hands. It’s just simple comfort between them, “I still don’t want to believe it.”

Flynn nodded with a small hum.

“Is it really completely gone?” Estelle asked and he felt a pit burn in his stomach at the cloying emptiness of where that emotion once was and now void that itched under his skin.

“Yes. It doesn’t hurt either.”

“I want to go with you tomorrow.”

“But-“

Estelle’s eyes steeled, “There’s no reason for me to wait around in Zaphias when I can be useful elsewhere.” And there’s no use stopping of her whenever she has something in mind.

“I’d be happy to have you with me.”

“You’re not alone, you know.”

Looking at Estelle with dim light painting her hair and- he waved goodbye and entered his room quickly.

_Is it worth it?_

Yuri’s dead and he’s been thinking about it for years how if you are free that love in all its forms is finally free to experience again. He’s free… and... For years he couldn’t feel anything outside of companionship and-

He’s started to feel things towards people- deep friendship, care, just affection…

"I don't want to feel that yet." There hasn’t been a funeral yet- or time- or-or-or-

Flynn punched the wall and screamed into his arms.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Come morning, Flynn hates it but he has to get out of bed and move out to do what is needed and a part of him wishes he could stop time for an hour. Just enough for him to say he’s ready and fine. Instead, he gets up and dons his uniform.

Brush your hair, rub the sleep from your eyes, do what you can to quickly clean the smell off your body, take a pill, slap the tears out of your cheeks, put on a professional face. Okay, he can do this. He’s the commandant! He’s in charge… He’s got everything under control!

Everything

He doesn’t mind that he’s struggling to sleep while they ride over to Hypionia or that he’s just feeling emotions. Stray, rampant, unexplainable emotions that he hasn’t felt in his control for so long and it has him so confused but also happy.

_It’s under my control._

It’s Flynn’s own free will and it’s his own feelings to experience as he looks at all these people in his life and his chest is light in the heaviest way.

He’s dead.

He can actually say he thinks Estelle is beautiful in any way. He can say he cherishes the stubborn rigidness of Sodia. He can just- just- feel!

Wonder if he will have to burry an empty coffin after all…


End file.
